suffering
“im scared to pray this. but if suffering is what it takes to be broken before god, then thats the place i want to be. i want to be in the place where i can most see christ. lord, your face i seek.”
i wrote this LOFTY prayer in my journal beg of sophomore year. while the latter half of my freshman year was ruined by a SDKFJA circumstance, my ‘uneventful’ sophomore year turned out to be the most difficult year of my LIFE. fell under a spell of self-pity as i saw nothing but insecurities that stood like giants before me. i felt unloved/unwanted by everyone especially god. god sure answers prayers bc i suffered a lot. not the kind of suffering that apostle paul endured, but the kind that brews as a result of sin (but i must remember that the real result of sin is DEATH. ahh mercy of God).
though my prayer was self-centered and shallow in that i was desperate to feel god in an emotional way and be comforted by an experience rather than by him, he still delivered me from that dark soph year. in the abundance of his grace, he not only took me out of my sin/suffering but redeemed it by using it to show me a deeper level of his love.
lately ive been reflecting on what is means to suffer and why we as christians are called to a life of suffering (but this life is only a millisecond in the timeline of eternity!). jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). im realizing that i need to die of course to sinful desires and sin itself, but also to the little privileges of life, to the things i consider my right (i.e. fake cursing…., secure future, parents approval ect.) and in answering why christians must suffer in this kind of way, i think john piper puts it best. god is most glorified when we are most satisfied in him, in the midst of loss not prosperity. “the purpose of god in creating the universe is to display the greatness of the glory of his grace supremely in the suffering of his son…will you join the son in displaying the supreme satisfaction of the glory of grace in joining him on the calvary road of suffering bc theres no other way the world is gonna see the supreme glory of christ except that we break free from the disney land of america and begin to live lifestyles of missionary sacrifice that looks to the world like our treasure is in heaven and not on the earth?” John Piper’s “You Will Suffer”
i guess that explains why a history of missions is a history of suffering. and its written all over the bible. the apostles’ lives. jesus’ life.
Personal Application. I have been taking my commitment to stint way too lightly. i have been rebelling in refusing to really settle with what ive committed too. not acknowledging the trials that are to come…that SHOULD come. not letting myself consider ministry. all because i dont want to suffer. ive been so fixated on myself and my circumstances rather than on christ and His. it sickens me that up to this point, even after my commitment to stint, i have been actively pursuing a road with the least amount of suffering. srsly susan, where is your gaze? GAH.
So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. —Hebrews 13:12-14
anyways, missions=lifestyle=suffering. but the sweetness of it all is found in the great commission itself.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:19-20
suffering is guaranteed. as long as i live my life missionally as i ought to be, suffering is guaranteed. but SURELY HE IS WITH ME ALWAYS, to the very end of the age. in the midst of suffering, may i say, jesus you are all i need.
